Movies - #1581 - Planet of the Apes

So, I sat down to watch a movie and I began thinking. Since I'm doing this blog now, and this will be the first movie I write about in it, what sort of movie should it be? What would make a good opener? A timeless classic? Cheesy entertainment? A recent hit? I ultimately decided to go with something that was a combination of classic and cheesy entertainment. Fuck you, recent hits.

I reached into the depths of my Netflix queue and pulled out Planet of the Apes (1968).

I should probably mention at this point that this post will contain spoilers. Sorry about that. But if you haven't already had this twist ending ruined for you, I'm stunned. And there's the problem with watching this movie after all these years. I know the ending. Everyone knows the ending. It's probably one of the most known surprise endings in film. I get the impression that if I had seen this when it came out, "It was Earth the whole time!" would have been a GREAT twist. Though I'm not sure that the ending wasn't ruined for people while this was still in theatres. It doesn't seem like they tried very hard to hide it. It's on the damn poster, for God's sake.

No, I had never seen this movie before. But I had seen this one:

Yes, I'm aware how sad it is that I saw the Tim Burton one first. Almost tragic, even. Because, much as I love Tim Burton, that movie is very, very bad. Very bad. Don't do that again, Tim Burton. The 1968 one is much better.

The first act is fairly slow, which I didn't expect. But very appropriately so. The pace, along with the scenery and the cinematography(very good during this segment), does a great job making you feel the desperation of the situation these three astronauts are stuck in (alone in a strange, alien wasteland with few supplies, and no hope of getting home).

Then the apes show up. At which point, the movie becomes a much quicker paced, slightly cheesy adventure. The architecture of the ape buildings is just a little bit ridiculous, and, if you can get past the fact that the apes mouths barely move as they talk, it's all enormous fun.

There's something very satisfying about finally hearing a famous line, which you've heard quoted hundreds of times, in its original context. Such was the case with "Get your filthy paws off me, you damn dirty ape!" I'm not entirely convinced that the reason that line is famous isn't just that it's really fun to clench your teeth and shout it in a Charlton Heston voice. Go ahead, try it right now. See?

Did he have chronic tetanus, by the way? Why is his jaw clenched at all times? Can he eat without a straw? Ah, Heston, one of cinema's most enjoyable overactors.

Incidentally, THE BLACK GUY DIES FIRST!

Black guy cause of death: Shot in the back of the neck by a rifle toting chimp while wearing a tarp and running through a cornfield. This death is interesting, by the way, because literally 30 seconds after it, Charlton Heston is also shot in the neck and he is completely fine.

But during the second act of the movie an enjoyable element shows up that I (perhaps foolishly) did not realize was there. A bit of very interesting satire on the evolution/creationism debate. The movie enjoys itself poking fun at religious fanaticism, particularly in a very good trial scene that I wish had involved Spencer Tracy and Frederic March.

Oh, and then there's this:

All in all, it's definitely a movie that should be seen.

So thanks for listening. Have a good night. We'll talk again later.